sometimes i dont know if how im feeling is because of the situation or because of how fucked up in the head i am
sometimes i dont care
it should scare me…the fact that i live on this tightrope of whatthefuckness
ive been angry lately.
saying thats an understatement would be an understatement in itself..
i keep slipping
and i hate it
but sometimes i love it
20 bucks says ill read this tomorrow and laugh at how textbook bpd i must sound right now
then again, there was a time where i wholeheartedly embraced how fucked up i am.. was?….no. definitely am.
after years of working on impulse control i still cant get it right. one little tiny thing set me off and next thing i know i was deep in the midst of overcaffeinated retail therapy. all i needed was new running shoes! thats it! i even picked them out BEFORE i went to the store so i wouldnt avoid my typical shoe/clothes shopping drawn out indecisiveness.
at least i returned most of the stuff this time., last time this happened i fucked myself over really bad and it took months to get my budgeting back on track.
maybe i should sleep. but i probably won’t.
ill worry about climbing out of this ditch tomorrow.