Tag Archives: pain

Torn Apart


when i got the phone call
him saying goodbye
i held back my sadness
held back my cries
my release was unspoken
because tears don’t always work
hiding behind smiles and giggles and smirks

my hurt on the inside numbed
by another strong pain
but my cover, un-broken
as i played my own game

no one really knows
how i got over him
no one really knows
why i have scars on my skin
i’m the only one who knows
those scars represent my heart
battered and beaten and completely torn apart

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my apology


dear heart,

im sorry.

i promise to never trust anyone ever again.

im sorry i fell for him.

im sorry he doesnt even know.

im sorry i let myself be vulnerable, let you be vulnerable.

im sorry youve been broken so many times.

im sorry you are covered in scar tissue.

im sorry that i kept going back to the boy who repeatedly stabbed you and tore you apart, all for the fun of watching me fall apart time and time again.

im sorry for not realizing sooner that he was only a boy, when i needed a man.

im sorry that it took years to even begin to get past everything he put me through.

im sorry that i finally gave myself a chance to move on and trust again.

im sorry that that was a mistake.

im sorry that trusting people is always a mistake.

im sorry i thoguht i could have a chance.

im sorry i thought i could have a chance at love.

or something close to it.

something like it.

lust, like, love, crush, whatever it was, i thought maybe i could actually have it.

im sorry i fell for someone who didnt abuse me.

im sorry i fell for him and fell fast and hard.

im NOT sorry for finally ending things with an abusive sociopath.

im NOT sorry for telling him that i was done and i was moving on.

im sorry that it didnt last long.

im sorry i let down my guard.

im sorry there were sparks.

im sorry there was chemistry.

im sorry he understands me.

im sorry his smile gives me chills.

im sorry his touch sends shivers down my spine.

im sorry his eyes saw right through the fake smile on my face.

im sorry im not perfect.

im sorry he is.

im sorry for everything.

i promise, i will never ever trust again.

sincerely,

ally

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in progress…might be kinda choppy because i stopped writing to go outside and dance


the rain pours down on her

she can barely see two inches in front of her face

but she doesnt care

thunder explodes in the distance

as lightning lights up the night sky

only a fool would be out on such a stormy night

but she could not resist it

the storm was such a beautiful sight

you could call her a fool

tell her she’s crazy for being out there

but why would she listen to you?

why the hell should she care?

the rain pours and pours

she’s soaking wet

drenched head to toe

from her shoes to her hair

but this is her therapy

so she just doesn’t care

with her old boom box radio

turned up to its max

she lets go of the stress

lets herself relax

as the music seeps into her bloodsteam

as her muscles react

while everyone else hides inside

there is no other time that she feels so alive

nothing feels greater than the rain on her skin

the feeling she gets as her arms

cut through the wind

and slice through the raindrops

adrenaline building as she releases her tension

her anger

her pain

its almost as if she could fling it away

life never seemed as clear to her as it did when she was spinning

she’s sobbing and yelling

but no one can see and no one can hear her

no one except me

the heartache and pain that she hides everyday

she lets it all out

with every cabriole

chaînés, failli,  fouetté, jeté

pirouette

her passion rises in a graceful arabesque

she’s spinning and spinning

like she wont ever stop

brisé volé

she does it all

ballet jazz modern hiphop tap

whatever it takes to break down her fears

she dances out in that rain

for hours and hours

tears washing away

her smile sneaks back to her face as she feels the stress and pain finally begin to fade

she just dances and dances and dances

until she is one.

one with the rain.

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