Tag Archives: mania

Zombie wine


I don’t know why, but wine always seems to clear my mind.
I wonder if the world knows that hallucinations aren’t limited to schizophrenia and drug abuse.. ..

Sometimes shit just happens.
Sometimes sleep is not an option
Sometimes your body retaliates in a really fucked up manner

But I refuse to give up on myself

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black box


so i’ve been watching black box…somewhat obsessively…

**possible spoiler warning**

 

since the very beginning I’ve said that will is bad for catherine (dr black). and since his arrival, i’ve said that dr bickman is┬ámuch better for her, possibly a perfect fit.

the more i think about it the more it makes sense.
but how much of that is my own personal feelings based on my own experience with bipolar…
here’s how i see it: will see’s her bipolar as a problem, a disease, something that needs to be fixed. which is true to some extent….but what i see as problematic is how he can’t seem to accept her with her “faults”. a great majority of people with bipolar struggle with taking their meds at one point or another. for me, i don’t like getting locked out of my mania. the meds never really helped the downs of my bipolar, so all they did was keep me from experiencing the mania i’d grown to love. why feel “bleh” all the time if i can never feel like I’m on top of the world? to me that doesn’t make sense, so taking my meds regularly doesn’t always work out. that does not mean that i WANT to be sick (although in some periods of my life, i have, but thats another story altogether). regardless of whether I’m on meds or not or whether I’m stable or not, I’m still me. i am not broken, i am not something for you to fix. i feel like will see’s catherine as a different person when he thinks about her bipolar, and that she feels the need to censor herself around him because of it. In my eyes that is not a healthy relationship.

dr bickman see’s her as a person, regardless of her quirks and moments of insanity. she doesn’t have to change for him and she doesn’t have to pretend she’s someone that she’s not. on the other hand, their relationship is so intense that it could be disastrous if something were to go wrong. then again, the same could be said about catherine’s relationship with will.

usually i don’t analyze tv relationships to this extent, but i feel like if i figure this out maybe ill be able to understand relationships in my own life a little better.

or maybe i’m just hopeless.
who knows.

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