Tag Archives: friendship

lying to yourself [work in progress]


DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS. I STARTED IT 2 YEARS AGO AND FINALLY PICKED IT UP AGAIN THIS WEEK. i still haven’t gotten it to accurately reflect the situation I’m trying to describe…which is frustrating as hell because I’ve rewritten it dozens of times. i guess i just can’t find the right words. since it doesn’t say what i want it to say, i decided to focus on the actual writing, describing circumstances similar to what i was originally aiming for.

 

lying to yourself (not just you two)

 

“even the best fall down sometimes”

but how do you get yourself back up

when it seems as though all odds are against you?

you’re smart pretty funny and sweet but you push away any good guy that you meet

its so hard to let people in because your past became a wall

a wall around your heart made up of scars ten feet tall

you fight and you fight trying to figure it out

trying to avoid getting hurt only made the pain linger around

but you fight and you fight and then you let someone in

only to watch him fly away across the fucking world again

 

so you hide and you cry and you swear “never again”

then he comes back and you’re finally reunited

only thing is, things aren’t that simple between you two

and now you’ve gotta face it…he’s not involved with just you.

 

you cant lie

cant say that seeing him doesnt make you smile

cant try and say that he cant brighten up your day

cant lie and tell youself that when your in his arms you dont feel safe

the lies wont protect you from getting hurt again

you already love him you can’t just pretend

so how do you deal with it…

he doesn’t do relationships

give up?

give in?

just accept it?

 

you tried to fight the feelings

tell yourself its a crush, nothing else

knowing all along you want more

you cant keep lying to yourself

you know that you love him and you know he loves you

so how do you deal when its not just you two?

 

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one way street [[work in progress]]


maybe im pulling back,
maybe ur pushing me away..
i dont know if its me or u or us but im wearing myself down
im gettin tired of trying to read ur mind
trying to figure out how you feel
about me
about us
about life
its hard not knowing if you want me
or if you just wanna be friends
if friends is what you want thats fine
i’d just like to know now, rather than keep holding on til the end
if relationships aren’t youre thing
and you dont wanna be with me
or if youre not feelin the idea of being with one person “exclusively”
i’d just like to know
before i break my own heart
i’d rather you just say it
say it right from the start
cuz im falling for you
and we both know, when i fall, i fall hard
but i dont think you feel the same
and everyday i feel farther and farther away
as if something happened between us
as if something changed
i know that youre busy
youve got a lot on your plate
its more the vibe that im getting
than anything you or i said or did that might make us go astray

i just feel like somethings changed
or maybe someone else just came along

you asked me all those questions
what “together” means to me
what a relationship consists of
how i define exclusivity
and after a little resistance
i completely gave in
telling you how i want to be yours
i quit hiding behind all my bullshit

see, you always call me out for that
whenever im resorting back to that
changing the subject
pretending i dont care
all the bullshit and the games that scurry along with that
so i let down my defenses
i spoke from my heart
i dropped all the bullshit,
wandered into the dark

but the thing that gets me
is how after all the cherades
all the effort to hear me say what you already know,
yet you still think im a mindreader
you wont tell me a thing
but this bullshit-detox
it cant just be from me
because even a casual friendship,
aint a one-way street.

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Twin


thought i was alone

in the dark all by myself

going through hell

nowhere to run nowhere to turn

never thought i’d get this friend

amazing friend

there to cry to and lean on

never knew they’d exist

bringing such relief

such bliss

making me willing to believe

that someday

it may all be ok again

no one ever really understood

though they thought they did

saying “you’re not alone”

but in reality

they didn’t know shit

my twin

my opposite and clone at the same time

may like different things

but like great minds, we think alike

both hate ourselves but love the other

slowly killing ourselves

while trying to save one another

through downward spirals

we’re there to catch eachother

arms wide and more than willing to break the fall

tears

notes

and late night calls

i know my “twin” has my back

and now maybe

we won’t have to fall at all

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Did You Have A Nice Night?


I’m Fine. Really.

I’m great, it’s alright.

I don’t care. I understand.

Plans change, no reason to fight.

You hung out with your man?

Oh wow, that’s nice.

Great job standing ME up,

But did you have a nice night?

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