Tag Archives: end

as the waves were high…


all that you love
will be carried away

i jinxed myself by thinking i had my bipolar under control
and by saying i had my mania under control

i should’ve known better than that

i’m stuck in this rut
so I’m self-medicating to ease the pain
every second
of everyday

but theres more to the picture than meets the eye

i slept most of the day yesterday
in doing so, i had a series of elaborate dreams

woke up thinking they were real
picked up my phone to make a call and remembered they weren’t real
remembered I’m not happy
remembered i’m losing my fucking mind
remembered I’m barely managing to get through the day

remembered that just a week ago i was fine
remembered that everything just fell apart

what am i doing?
why can’t i just be ok?

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so much for forever [written april 2006]


you said you’d be there, forever
you said you’d love me
said that you’d care, forever
and love me
said you’d talk to me, to calm me down
just be around

forever and always
that’s what you said
but forever has ended
kind of quick
took my heart
and crushed it in your hand
now what can i do
cuz youre the one who’s hurt me now
and i have no one to turn to
now i realize i was never special
never special in your eyes

im nobody
no one
important
nothing you said was true
bullshit
now i just fuckin hate you
but im sure ill get over it
so much for forever,
cuz forever’s just a lie.

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the end of forever


somehow i fell for your lies over and over
though i tried to not back down when i said you and i were over
i tried to numb my feelings and i tried to block you out
out of sight out of mind
but i see you everytime i fuckin blink my eyes
theres no escaping you
even when we dont speak and youre not part of my life
somehow you find a way to sneak into the back of my mind
all the time
then when you need me you turn your charm on and no matter how hard i try i cant resist that fucking smile i cant say no to you i cant shoot you down
no matter how many times you broke my heart, i always gave you the benefit of the doubt
so what should i say to you when you tell me things have changed and then i see you walking down the street with her,
like everything is fine its all ok
i bite my tongue, dont say a word, toughen up
nothings wrong, im fine.
im so through with you and all the games you play
i simply drive away
i hope you have a nice life with the girl who caused you so much pain
you cant run to me to fix it anymore
so when your heart is shattered, all over the floor
just remember who you fucked over
who gave you nothing but support
remember who was always there
remember that i gave you chance after chance to appreciate me but you didnt care
you knew i wasnt going anywhere

now i look back for one last laugh
when you realize that you need me
and you turn around to run to me for comfort and dont see me
like a ghost i simply vanish
never again will you see or speak to me
too bad you lost your only friend
the girl who had your back
ride-or-die forever
thought this day would never come
but im gone.
forever has finally come to an end.

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