Tag Archives: control

this is my therapy.


my therapy

i’ve had these shoes since the last time i took a ballet class regularly. when i was 11.

they still fit.

but now they reduce my stress, rather than being right at the center of it.

cleaned my apartment so that i could move the furniture and have more space for this.

it was a pain in the ass.

but it was definitely worth it.

[there’s a wolf in my heart for you]

aces

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i hate you for turning me into the vengeful monster i have become


theres a fuckin reason why i dont trust people. and that reason is a person who does not know what the fuck is coming for them. i swear to fucking god i will not stop until i break you down like you broke me down. get a credit card in my name and fuck up my car. i dare you. do it if u dont value your fuckin life. cuz im done with your bullshit. i will not back down to you this time. you wanna fight? well fuck it, alright. im down to fight. you dont scare me anymore. you’re pathetic. you’re weak and insecure and think you can change that by abusing, who else, me. you selfish ass. i put up with your bullshit for so many years crying so many tears but now dont you see that shit just aint me. i will not let you show up out of the fucking blue and think you can pick up where you left off when i was controlled and manipulated everyday by you. i was that girl, the one who would sit there and tollerate your bitch ass. but in time, things change, you know? and in case you didnt know, im done with that act. being controlled by you, well, i have had quite enough of that. so try to provoke me and try to make me hate myself for what YOU do. i wanna see the look on your face when you hit me and i fight back like hell. i want to see you squirm in pain as i put my cigarette out on your skin, like when you burned my back with that cigarette lighter while i was passed out in the passenger seat of MY car after you had beaten my ass so bad i was vomiting and coughing up blood for 3 hours before i lost consciousness. remember when you whipped me with your belt? and then wrapped it around my neck while i tried to pull myself to my feet with the little remaining strength i tried to hold onto, trying to stay conscious cuz i knew if i didn’t i’d be dead right now. clingling to life as you laughed in my face and then went on with your day like nothing had happened.
you say you dont remember
but i do
and i know you do too
and i know you know im past my breaking point
but what you dont know is that if you fuck with me again, you WILL pay for everything you did to me
i hate you more than i ever hated myself
and im going to enjoy your pain more than a sadist enjoys torturing a victim
im going to make you beg me for your life
and then i am going to take it and dangle it in your face
before i walk away
like you did to me

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insanity


somehow

i fall

for your shit

every

single

time

 

i hate you

i cant believe i let myself believe we were actually cool

i was surprised that we went that long without a huge fight

it was nice

i thought, “hey, maybe things really have started to change”

 

see thats where i fucked up

when it comes to you and me,

there is no such thing as change

at least no change that sticks

you can change for a few days..but its all just part of your game

 

the second i do something on my own and you dont have all of my time to control at your convenience,

you flip

completely fucking different person

 

so explain something to me

how does having my own life make me guilty of doing something wrong

how does having my own life give you reason or right to scream insults at me as though i am less than human

how does having my own life permit you to project all of your compounding anger onto me for absolutely no reason

 

ive made too many excuses for you

told too many lies for you

wasted too much of my life waiting for something to change

waiting for a miracle that i know will never come

 

im done waiting.

insanity is making the same decisions over and over and expecting a different outcome.

well im done being insane.

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