Tag Archives: aghhhh

my future just crashed right in front of my face


I’m starting to see that in order to actually get into grad school I’m going to need a fucking 3.5 gpa or higher. Basically…. I’m fucked.

No grad school admissions department is going to care that I’ve worked my ass off and that my shitty grades aren’t because I can’t do the work or I don’t understand it…. it’s because I haven’t been able to get any of the support I was promised in order to keep me on track.

They aren’t going to care about the reasons why I got a D in human sexuality…. even though I got an A+ on the final. The work I can actually complete and submit on time is always A quality work. The problem is completing the assignments in the time I’m given, with absolutely no help managing my adhd (other than adderall…which helps, but only to a certain extent… it’s like it helps quiet all the buzzing and takes me out of the fog of everything going on around me…. it’s hard to explain…but yeah). This wouldn’t be an issue if I hadn’t been told time and time again by the stupid fucking “center for students with disabilities” that I would get the support I need, especially extended time and advocacy with professors, blah blahblhaahh

Bullfuckingshit

But none of that matters.

Because I got no help.

No matter how many times I asked

No matter how many ways I asked

No matter how many meetings I had or how many directors or presidents or whoever I talked to.

And I couldn’t seem to do it on my own.

At least not well enough.

It would’ve been nice if I had known about this GPA requirement BEFORE I reached the five billionth year of my bachelor’s degree

I would have sacrificed my health to get the grades I needed

I would be a fucking wreck but at least I’d get into grad school

And to think…I wanted to go to u of Chicago. One of the highest ranked, and most challenging, schools in terms of social work masters programs.

That’s never gonna happen.

No matter what I do I cant get my gpa to where it needs to be without re-taking dozens of classes…and I don’t have the money to fund another 2, 3, 4 years of undergrad…ESPECIALLY AT DEPAUL

FUCK MY LIFE

I don’t know what else to do

I really just want to give up

I don’t see the point in trying anymore

What the fuck am I going to do with a fucking bachelor’s in psychology if I can’t go any farther than that?!

NOTHING

I can do NOTHING

I can work at fucking Starbucks for the rest of my fucking pathetic life..

I’m done putting myself through hell for something that is never going to get me any farther than I am right now.

Unless I stumble upon hundreds of thousands of dollars to spend on tuition, there’s really nothing I can do.

FUCK.

I feel like the entire world is crashing down on my head as I type this

I feel like a fucking idiot for not knowing any of this shit ahead of time

I’m furious that no one breaks this shit down at the beginning of undergrad. Like, “hey, so if you don’t have a 3.5 when you graduate…. you’re probably never getting into any grad school anywhere ever”

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

i need to decompress and figure out where the fuck to go from here.

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writer’s block


f

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sidenote: WHY THE FUCK WONT WORDPRESS LET ME INDENT SHIT BY PRESSING TAB?

sorry. that was a lot more aggressive than it needed to be.

I’ve gone a bit overboard with redbull and quitting smoking is making me a very unpleasant person. not an excuse; just context.

 

that is all.

 

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fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck


this was quite possibly the biggest waste of time in the history of forever. fuck you computer for fucking up my paper the first time so i had to rewrite 60% of it after i had already spent hours and hours and hours writing it the FIRST time while being a stubborn perfectionist about it and refusing to sleep until it was absolutely perfect. fuck you microsoft word for freezing my computer when i went to save my final draft. fuck you time locks on stupid drop-boxes for online paper submission that wont let u submit your work if you are even one second past the deadline. fuck you depaul-online-course-website-bullshit that has never taken more than a few seconds to load but somehow took 17 minutes to load the ONE time i needed it to load quickly. fuck this shit. aghhhh. too fuckin tired to even process how frustrated i am right now. and the fuckin worst part is, the work i was attempting to submit contained some of the best and most thoroughly thought-out writing ive ever written. for any class. ever.

 

 

now that i got that out of my system.. i really hope this professor will cut me a break and let me submit this shit anyway. drop my grade i dont care, just as long as i can get SOME credit for it after i somehow managed to keep my eyes open and keep working and not say fuck it even though all i wanted to do was SLEEP lol. hopefully it will all work out and i wont have put my time and effort into a class just to fuck up my gpa. but if not, then whatever, the world will not collapse and it wont kill me. c’est la vie.
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