I don’t think I’ll ever really be happy again.
Best I can do is stay as fucked up as possible for as much time as possible
Fuck trying to do things the right way
I just want to get drunk and cry
ALL OF OLD. NOTHING ELSE EVER. EVER TRIED. EVER FAILED. NO MATTER. TRY AGAIN. FAIL AGAIN. FAIL BETTER.
1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks.
2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.
3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to rape her.
4. If you are in an elevator and a woman gets in, don’t rape her.
5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not rape her.
6. Never creep into a woman’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars, or rape her.
7. Remember, people go to the laundry room to do their laundry. Do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.
8. Use the Buddy System! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from raping women, ask a trusted friend to accompany you…
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4 days without a cigarette while with my family. …..baaaaaaaaaad idea
3 panic attacks in one morning
Insanely exhausted now
but this is the most satisfying cigarette I’ve smoked in years
One thing I love about Germantown: no matter where I am on this property, the view is gorgeous.
Going through a bit of city withdrawal, but the sky at night makes up for it a little. Never seen so many stars (even if it’s cloudy, you can still see what a huge difference the light pollution of a big city makes).
I miss home though. I can’t imagine living anywhere other than chicago for amy extended period of time. I know what its like to feel homesick, after living in Utah for almost a year, but this is a different kind of homesick. I can’t really put my finger on it, but I just feel off somehow. Like my world is out of balance somehow.
I dunno. Sometimes I think vacations are more stressful than anything else.
Hopefully today will be better now that I have some nicotine in my system.
starring at the ceiling
can’t seem to fall asleep
laying here wondering if ill ever be enough
please go away. you’re killing my buzz.
I’m too angry and exhausted to articulate the chaos in my mind right now.
But I’m going to try. Or at least start.
My city is at war with itself
And my police seem to have forgotten how to protect and serve
Or did they ever know?
Why do the shitty cops outnumber the good ones?
I know they’re not all bad. As individuals I’m sure there are many “good cops”
But when the system is as broken and corrupted as ours. .. no individual good cop can truly be a good cop
If that makes sense?
When racism and classism and sexism and ableism and homophobia are woven into every aspect, from training cops to absurd sentancing, how can we expect anything other than what we’ve become?
How can we save our city when those with power are the most corrupt?
How can we claim the cpd isn’t reeking of racism, when unarmed black men are bring murdered like it’s just another day?
Why is it that the postponed trial of Dante Sevin will make him the first cop to face trial over a fatal shooting since 1995?
It’s not because there haven’t been cops involved in fatal shootings, because that seems to be becoming a regular thing.
Why can’t we hold our police force accountable? Why can’t we hold police officers accountable? Why is this a problem in my city, our city? Why is this a problem all over the country?
Michael Brown and Eric Garner may be the two cases with the most national news coverage, but this is not a new problem.
The tragedies of their deaths and the failure of the criminal justice system that followed brought a nationwide perpetuated problem to light, so what are we going to do to make this right?
I refuse to sit back and do nothing
Maybe we can make a difference, maybe we can’t
But it’s time….well, long overdue. …to fight.
And some people have been fighting
For a long time
But there’s strength in numbers
The cpd already sees our protests as a threat
Otherwise there wouldn’t have been such a huge police presence (city and state) at today’s press conference and march
They wouldn’t be illegally accessing our phones data and listening to our calls
They wouldn’t try so hard to break up our peaceful protests
But I get it
If I were them I’d be scared out of my mind
We are young
We are loud
We are strong
And we are determined
We stand together
And we are fed up
So we’ll continue to march
We’ll continue to speak
We’ll shut down as many major streets and highways as we need to
We are not backing down
And we demand change
“This stops today”
So yeah. I’d be scared. Because this is not going to be an easy fight.
And for now, that is all.. but I’m sure I’ll have more to say tomorrow
I truly believe that to be a good teacher, a decent writer or a perfunctory scholar one has to concede the limits of evidence, reason, and rationality.
It is no wonder I believe that. Evidence, reason and rationality can rarely explain my place in this world. I know the limits even as I try to stretch them. It is either futile or the human experience or, I suspect, it is both.
For months I have participated and supported the ground work of activists, scholars, teachers, preachers, parents, young people, old people, and people people in Ferguson, MO. My contribution amounts to little more than nil on the grand scale of things. Mostly, I have hoped that people would persist.
It is an unreasonable hope.
Representatives of the State, of a public that includes black people who are also a public, were defiant when they announced the grand jury results of Michael…
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