again
even though every fiber of my being wants to just say FUCK IT and be done
but i wont
i cant
so im starting over
yet again
again
even though every fiber of my being wants to just say FUCK IT and be done
but i wont
i cant
so im starting over
yet again
Starting detox and weight loss program tomorrow
No booze after monday
Finish Harley Quinn costume by October 15
-20 lbs by Halloween
Bachelors degree and
-40 lbs (or more) by Thanksgiving
-56lbs (or more) by Xmas
Quit smoking by New Years
New job by April 2016
Car by July 2016
i’ve come to the conclusion that i am a pathetic waste of space
not really sure why i try anymore
but i do
somehow
every fucking day
and i get through the day with that stupid fucking phrase
one day at a fucking time
honestly i’m just fucking sick of this shit
yes, it was the end of the world.
the end of my world.
or more accurately…it was the end of my world as i knew it.
but it was not the end of all worlds.
the universe didn’t come crashing down. the sun is still up there in the sky.
i just have to build and newer, better, stronger world now.
a world to replace the one you shattered.
so don’t worry about me
my world may be under construction,
but i’ve got it under control
i dont know where to go from here
my worst relapse in over 7 years
why is this the only thing that can keep me calm?
the only reason im not in a ball on the floor sobbing all fucking day
red used to be my favorite color
this is why you don’t wait
this is why you don’t care
this is why i’m giving up
giving up on love
no more clinging to something that was never ever there
you broke me
and i can’t even be mad because i know you didnt mean to. i know you’d never hurt me intentionally. and that’s more than i deserve. you’ve always been more than i’ve ever deserved. i guess my luck just ran out.
so i’m broken again
but this time i’m not going to bother picking up the pieces
leave them shattered on the floor as a reminder of a time when i thought i could have more
I really want to be ok….I’m just not.
And I haven’t figured out how to change that yet…so I say I am….because it’s easier that way.
I lie because I simply don’t know what else I can say.
maybe one day
i am
drunk
sad
unloved
broken
crazy
fading away
not strong
not the one
not anymore anyway
no longer your burden
ALL OF OLD. NOTHING ELSE EVER. EVER TRIED. EVER FAILED. NO MATTER. TRY AGAIN. FAIL AGAIN. FAIL BETTER.
samuel becket