Category Archives: stuff i wrote in high school

extravagance [[written 2006]]

red extravagance
crimson flowing slowly with each wish
razor lingering at her wrist
like a drawn out kiss
how did she end up like this?
this pain hurt stress insanity
screaming out profanities
disgusted by the ignorance
disturbed by the vanity


commitment [written april 2006]

a risk
are you willing to take it?
of pain
maybe lies and
broken hearts
for love
maybe kisses and
warmed hearts

a risk
are you willing to take it?
are you ready to leap

close your eyes and pray
let go your defenses
let him in

are you ready?
can you commit?

a risk.
deep breath, close my eyes, jump.
please catch me.

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forever has died

to say forever
is quite a long time
you promised, you swore
forever was mine

you said you’d be there to cry to
we’d get through each fight
my friend, my love, my hero, my sight

but now i see truth
despite all the pain
you hurt me so bad
with your little games

said you’d never leave me
never make me cry
but that doesn’t matter much
when “i love you” is a lie

forget all the help
forget all the tries
forget this bullshit
cuz forever has died.

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so much for forever [written april 2006]

you said you’d be there, forever
you said you’d love me
said that you’d care, forever
and love me
said you’d talk to me, to calm me down
just be around

forever and always
that’s what you said
but forever has ended
kind of quick
took my heart
and crushed it in your hand
now what can i do
cuz youre the one who’s hurt me now
and i have no one to turn to
now i realize i was never special
never special in your eyes

im nobody
no one
nothing you said was true
now i just fuckin hate you
but im sure ill get over it
so much for forever,
cuz forever’s just a lie.

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the insanity of life

spinning silently, she soared through the sea of secrets
creating chaos, congregations and cliques cried out
magically menuvering, menacing mendacity moped about
reconstructing reality, rumors romp ridiculously and rampant throughout
terrorizing tales, traumatize tormented teens treated terribly by their torturing taunting peers

rumors, lies, secrets.

pain, obsession, insanity, LIFE.


once again on the floor
crying, denying;
wanting, pleading;
bleeding, dying;
why did i give in?
why didn’t i fight?
what provoked the explosion,
that disastrous night?
how did i go back?
to all of this crap?
i can’t even remember,
what made me snap.
how did i fall back..
to this second relapse?
how didn’t i see,
when it all began,
that this is an addiction…
i can’t drop it
no one can.

My Relaxation (ERASED)

like a breath of fresh air,
on a cool spring day;
like crossing the finish line,
after a long hard race;
like seeing your family for the first time in years;
it can help you relax,
take away all your fears.
as if you jump into a river,
washing all the pain away;
feeling the drops of beauty,
makes you smile through the day;
people may think you’re crazy;
as the grin spreads across your face.
you are finally stress free,
all the pain and sadness,

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Torn Apart

when i got the phone call
him saying goodbye
i held back my sadness
held back my cries
my release was unspoken
because tears don’t always work
hiding behind smiles and giggles and smirks

my hurt on the inside numbed
by another strong pain
but my cover, un-broken
as i played my own game

no one really knows
how i got over him
no one really knows
why i have scars on my skin
i’m the only one who knows
those scars represent my heart
battered and beaten and completely torn apart

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Mirror Mirror [[written 2007]]

mirror mirror, looking glass
catch me now, before i crash
everything seems to be going bad
i’m drifting downwards
waiting to fall on my back

i cringe at the reflection
i purge all the food
screaming at what i’ve become
all this i thought i’d never do
oh, mirror mirror on the wall
please don’t let me fall
mirror mirror, i trust you
tell me, tell me
is it true?

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This Guy [[written 2006]]

he makes me smile, without saying a word
he makes me laugh, even when i am hurt
he makes me feel, like i can take flight
he makes me believe, that everything is right
he makes things seem , as perfect as can be
he makes me happy, even when he’s being mean
speaking softly, in his gentle brotherly voice,
he makes me want to scream
he makes me want to rejoice
something about him
is just driving me insane
no other person
has made me feel this way

helped me erase my sorrows
and shoot down my fears
made the pain go away, something i attempted for years.
brought something so strange,
something so new,
for once i was happy,
when he said, “i love you.”

just knowing someone cared,
brought a tear to my eye
just knowing he was there,
made my soul fly high.
through whatever,
he keeps my trust
my friend, my brother, my hero.
this guy.

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