my wrists are throbbing
didn’t realize a rubber band could make you bleed
two days worth of welts and of course when I’m folding my WHITE SHIRTS is when the welts start to bleed
because i have shitty timing
i always have
maybe one day i wont
one thing i do know
is that it has been 6 days and 35 minutes since my last cigarette
….maybe its all in my head, but snapping this rubber band on my wrist actually helps
i doubt that its really pain association, because it’s only been a few days
but i feel like its helping me fight my brain’s association of cigarettes and pleasure
slowly but surely, ill reform my neural pathways
even though right now I’m coughing my lungs up, dizzy, drowsy, bitchy, and moody.as.shit, i am still alive
somewhere under all the discomfort, hormone fluctuations, and emotional surges, i know that life isn’t that bad after all
times like this I’m glad 16 year old me failed at absolutely everything.
times like this i’m glad i survived.
times like this I know that one day this will all be for the better, and maybe one day i can save someone else who feels what i felt
maybe tomorrow ill have the strength to throw away my safety cigarettes. they’re probably stale by now anyway. yuck.