sometimes i dont know if how im feeling is because of the situation or because of how fucked up in the head i am

sometimes i dont care

it should scare me…the fact that i live on this tightrope of whatthefuckness

but sometimes

it doesnt

ive been angry lately.

no.

saying thats an understatement would be an understatement in itself..

i keep slipping

and i hate it

but sometimes i love it

20 bucks says ill read this tomorrow and laugh at how textbook bpd i must sound right now

then again, there was a time where i wholeheartedly embraced how fucked up i am.. was?….no. definitely am.

after years of working on impulse control i still cant get it right. one little tiny thing set me off and next thing i know i was deep in the midst of overcaffeinated retail therapy. all i needed was new running shoes! thats it! i even picked them out BEFORE i went to the store so i wouldnt avoid my typical shoe/clothes shopping drawn out indecisiveness.

at least i returned most of the stuff this time., last time this happened i fucked myself over really bad and it took months to get my budgeting back on track.

aghhhh

fuck

maybe i should sleep. but i probably won’t.

ill worry about climbing out of this ditch tomorrow.

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