again

they’re back again.

the dreams.

and now there’s no one here that i trust enough to distract me from them.

no one to sleep next to me that can handle me waking up screaming like I’m being ax murdered

no one to make me feel safe

for a while i made myself feel safe

i hate needing people

even for the simplest things

i like being able to get by on my own

i figure out a way to not need anybody

i always do

sometimes it just takes some time

so im preparing myself to endure months of sleep deprivation

 

 

because i can’t ask anyone to help me with these dreams and i don’t want anyone to help me with these dreams

not anyone thats here anyway

 

there’s a sleep-deprived-angry part of me that wants to bitch about people not being here when i need them…but then the rest of me politely reminds that angry part that its my own damn fault for always pushing people away and sabotaging shit as soon as it starts to look or feel “too good to be true” (which in my fucked up mind just means not so terrible)

 

 

ba humbug

leave it to the Jew to post an emo angry scrooge post on christmas

smdh

fuck now he’s got me doing it

oh well

MORE RUM

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