sometimes i think life would be easier if i could hate you
hate you more than i ever hated anyone
hate you enough to not care how much i love you
hate you because hating someone is safer than loving them
hate you because maybe if i hated you i wouldnt get hurt
…but i rarely stay mad at you, even if i try
ill get pissed and want to argue, or “mad” over some petty shit or simply because im in a shitty mood; call, ready to start bitching; and end up confessing about a relapse i never consciously intended to admit to
you make me feel safe, and who could hate that?
well, i can, sometimes. but im not like normal people. security scares me, happiness scares me, love scares me, good things scare me.
and i realize, even if i really tried,
i could never hate you, i would never want to hate you.
so maybe there’s hope for me afterall.