sometimes i think life would be easier if i could hate you

hate you more than i ever hated anyone

hate you enough to not care how much i love you

hate you because hating someone is safer than loving them

hate you because maybe if i hated you i wouldnt get hurt


…but i rarely stay mad at you, even if i try

ill get pissed and want to argue, or “mad” over some petty shit or simply because im in a shitty mood; call, ready to start bitching; and end up confessing about a relapse i never consciously intended to admit to

you make me feel safe, and who could hate that?

well, i can, sometimes. but im not like normal people. security scares me, happiness scares me, love scares me, good things scare me. 

and i realize, even if i really tried,

i could never hate you, i would never want to hate you. 

so maybe there’s hope for me afterall. 


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