cant sleep.

woke up from a night terror a little while ago…

somehow my sheets still smell like you..so i just lay there with my face in the mattress, trying to calm myself down. it helped at first…but its just not the same. i wanted to rest my head on your chest and feel your arms around me. but all i have here is a picture and the faint scent of you on these sheets..words cant express how much i miss you..you always say not to; but you know that no matter what, im going to. i know im being really selfish right now. i still havent figured out why its easier to get through some days than it is others. this is one of those other days. one of the days that i can think of nothing other than you and how much i miss you. one of the days that i just want to lay in bed and cry because i miss you so much it hurts. but i dont. i get up and do what i have to do. i go to class and i go to work and i try to not give in..

but anyway, after 20 or 30 minutes i’d calmed down a little…so of course my dumb ass decides its a good idea to watch the video for “yo side of the bed” by trey songz. i was already crying because of my dream and because of missing you so much. watching that video did not help at all. its been a while since ive cried this hard…i cant really see what im typing…i dont even know why im typing this…

some days i dont know how to push through. which is stupid. because i need to just deal with it and stop complaining. i just wish you were here..or i was there..or something…

i remember when i couldn’t fall asleep and you’d stay on the phone with me until i did…you make me feel safe. more than you could ever imagine.

im not really sure where im going with this

im not really sure why im writing it

all i know is i miss you and i love you

you’re my hero babe.

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