out of ideas.

my mind is in shambles right now.

i haven’t had dreams like this in months and they weren’t this bad and i knew why i was having them. last time i had dreams even close to this, someone i love was in danger, so i could rationalize it. i knew why i was tweaking out in my sleep. cuz i was worried.

but thats not the point.

now they’re worse

and i started having them out of the blue

these dreams. ive been having them since like…. mid-january i think…

it hasn’t even been that long and i honestly am LOSING MY MIND because of them.

i cant handle it.

i literally cannot do this.

i wake up screaming

and shaking

or i wake up trying to scream but cant make a sound.

i cant speak right now.

i can barely type. still shaky even tho i woke up 30 minutes ago.

my heart is pounding so hard i can hear it

i cant even explain how a dream can fuck with me this much.

its like my entire world comes crashing down everytime i fall asleep.

even though i logically know its not real, it feels real. every. single. time.

nothing ive tried has helped.

yoga. tea. meditation. deep breathing. reading. music. tv. movies. pilates. stretching. elliptical. tae bo. dance. writing. drawing. sudoku. angry birds. word searches. crosswords. knitting. ballet. singing. pressure points. cough syrup. ambien. klonopin. xanex. weed. alcohol. weed tea. lots of alcohol. EVEN SOBRIETY. nothing i try is working.

im at the point where im terrified to sleep.

i cant handle another night with this dream again.

im open to any suggestions but if i have this dream one more time, i am going to do everything in my power to never sleep until i literally am so drained that i pass out wherever i am. i will stay up for weeks if i have to. i cannot have this dream again.


One thought on “out of ideas.

  1. carlarenee45 says:

    say a prayer. It’s an idea


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