i care so much it hurts

im not the jealous type
but all of a sudden i feel envy creeping into my mind
im terrified of falling
of all that lovey-dovey bullshit

the more i fight it, the more you stay on my mind
why cant i just turn it off
make myself numb
stop caring
or at least stop these feelings
fuck these feelings
i hate these feelings
cuz i cant shake these feelings
im used to being numb
numb was the safest thing
who cares if i wasn’t happy? at least i wasn’t sad. at least my heart wasn’t torn to shreds…cuz honestly i’ve had quuuuiiiiiittttteeee enough of that.
numbness was my protection
so how the fuck did i let this happen
how could i let you in, past all my defenses, past all my walls
how could i let you close enough to steal my heart
and fly away with it
leaving me here.
on my own again…
alone again…
as i continued to fall
and fall and

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