self-sabotage

is my specialty.

 

and to be honest, im fucking sick and tired of it.

even though i’ve been ready to break these patterns for a while now, i’m still not sure how exactly to go about doing so.

and i’ve worked and worked and fought and fought

used all my energy

put everything i had into it

yet somehow, i still end up falling back into the same cycle.

as soon as something starts to look up, BAM. here comes ally to fuck it all up for herself. because there’s still that little part of me that feels as though getting hurt or screwing up is inevitable. i convince myself i will get hurt one way or another and decide that i would rather have control over it.

its ridiculous and illogical and i KNOW this

so why is it so hard to escape?

 

i will not give up

but i wish i knew a better way to do this

because sometimes i feel like im just not strong enough

and im tired of failing over and over again

but i guess all i can do for now is just stay stubborn and not just give in

 

“ALL OF OLD. NOTHING ELSE EVER. EVER TRIED. EVER FAILED. NO MATTER. TRY AGAIN. FAIL AGAIN. FAIL BETTER.”

SAMUEL BECKETT

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