the rageaholic returns.

sometimes my anger frightens even me.
i havent felt like myself lately.
the only thing that seems to make me feel like me is allowing myself to release the boiling rage that appears out of nowhere for no reason at all.
my hand is swollen from punching a brick wall. my car has a fresh dent from where i kicked it this morning when it wouldn’t start the first 3 times i tried.
sometimes i just want to scream at people for absolutely no reason and tell them to fuck off.
my anger crept back up on me like a fucking boa constrictor wrapping itself around my neck.
all i want is to be able to relax for one day. without being pissed off about nothing. i want to be able to sleep for one night and actually feel rested when i wake up.
everyday, i have to focus all my energy on fighting my rage and the negativity that comes with it. it would be really nice to get a break. even if its just for one day. even if its just a few hours.
its exhausting
and honestly, what scares me most, is that i’m not sure how much longer i’ll be able to keep up this charade.
i wonder how many people already see past the smile, plastered on my face.

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