this is probably really choppy and probably doesnt make much sense…(due to the fact that i was dosing off as i was writing it..)
i swear i dont know what it is
what you do
is it your smile your eyes
the chills i get racing down my spine at the softest touch
as your skin grazes against mine
is it the way you talk or what you say
the butterflies in the pit of my stomach
the ones that only seem to come around when you pass my way…
with you i feel,
this fire it burns inside me begging pleading desperate to be released and then i feel your hand as it brushes over my skin
the slightest touch the softest whisper
the spark that lights the match that lights up a whole new world
see things in a whole new light
the fire of our mutual desire
burning through the pain of the past and the fears that it left
the walls i took so long to build to block out the world as if being alone would forever protect me,
those walls falling to ashes in front of my face
and i sit there and watch
i watch years of pushing people away and fencing myself in
years of forbidding myself to care or to let anyone care about
i watch myself let go of those years of isolation..i watch myself push them away and allow the fire to devour all these unneeded precautions
all the excuses up in flames
my shield my protection really more like a prison..
i watch as the gates open and the walls collapse
bricks crumbling as if my withdrawal from the world and this fort that i built was
nothing more than a child’s sandcastle,
being washed away by the rising tide.
i dont know how this happened
how i got here
but one thing i do know
the one lesson i though i could never learn
i can live
and i can trust.
who could have guessed that i could possibly live this kind of life.
from the girl who claimed “trust isn’t in my vocabulary”
to a woman simply deciding to live her life.
life with no fear life with no regrets.